Don’t Pry – If I Wanted to Share I would

June 17, 2011

I’m a pryer – or at least I used to be. I had little shame asking people about a scar or an accident. As I’ve grown and theoretically matured, I’ve become more discreet and tactful. I wish others would follow suit.

I’m going through a bit of a medical scare now. There’s a good chance it is nothing, and that is what I am focusing on. Of course since I was first given the news on Wednesday, I was emotional confiding in a few immediate family members and the friend with whom I had a lunch date. But my nanny saw me wipe tears from my eyes and she has been politely asking if everything is okay. I had to coordinate with the back up babysitter because I’m not sure how much help I will need me as my husband basically admitted he will be a ghost given his job demands.

She has been more specific in her questioning. What’s going on? I’m dying to know how you are? You seem so distracted. I know it is all in good faith. I explained I’m not ready to talk about it, but once I am, ideally next week, I will fill you in on everything. Please help me get through the next few days.

My conversation with my grandmother was similar.
-What’s happening?
-Grandma, I don’t want to get into it now. I’m a bit emotional. I’ll know more next week and will tell you then.
-But everything is fine?
-I don’t know grandma. I’ll know more next week.
-What tests are you having done?
-I don’t want to talk about it.

Rationally I can understand that these people care, or like to gossip, and they are struggling with my privacy. I know this is all making more irritable than I’d like to be, to the point I refused to be the liaison between two doctors’ offices communicating my medical history. I explained to one receptionist, I’m trying to be polite, I’ll get them on the phone, but I don’t have it in me to communicate yet again with this office.

I’m ready to terminate my relationship with my personal trainer. We often meet once a week but now that summer is here and I’m out of town frequently and I threw my back out, our appointments have been sporadic. He sends me a text “I’m worried you are not exercising.” I wrote back, “Thanks, I’m concerned about my medical tests.” He responds, “What tests?” I just think it is such a crass way to inquire about a sensitive subject. Part of me thinks I should never talk to him again, or respond with something snide, and the other part knows to wait until I calm down before I say something I may regret. I certainly have enough things to worry about before considering my trainer.

And I know whatever happens, worst worst case scenario, I’m still incredibly fortunate and I will be okay.

Update: The preliminary tests came back with great news. I’m still awaiting the final report, but I can definitely exhale now.