On my last visit to the shrink, Dr made a few notes and told me, you sound happy. And i am. I see how fortunate I am with my family and most of our health and I enjoy our time together. I reflect on my mom and our memories of laughing and traveling. I hear my grandmother share her memories of my mom. She lived without regrets and seized each day, tackling obstacles, smiling and moving forward. That’s what i intend to do no matter the challenge.
As my father continues another round of cancer treatment, I focus on the positive and since his treatment is well attended to by him and his wife, I focus on other things. We spend time together and talk frequently. My dad’s attitude has changed as well and he’s living more fully, knowing it’s not a dress rehearsal. My therapist asked if perhaps he is sicker than he’s letting on.
I know he’s sick. I do not know the extent of his cancers nor the severity, treatments and statistics. But it does not matter because I would not do anything differently. There had been a few things unsaid but we had a conversation where I asked my questions about his past. Some of the answers surprised me and contrasted with my mom’s accounts. Mom had thirty years to share her uncensored thoughts and memories, my father is entitled to a rebuttal over lunch. *Sorry Mom you did not get in the last word.