Out of the Game

May 31, 2011

A single friend of mine from college visited me this weekend and, as with many of my unhitched companions, I delight in stories of their dating and gasp at the emotionally inaccessible men. When the stories include grand romantic gestures or even subtle ones, I’m touched and for a moment long to return to the excitement of new love and courtship. And then the other side of the stories shock me.

Said friend currently has three men in rotation, a serious would be contender should they live on the same continent. A co-worker with whom she shares a great passion, and occasional beds. Another co-worker slipped through the cracks for a one-night stand. This can be great, so long as she is honest with herself about what she wants and what is being offered and does not hurt.

Allow me to spend expand on each of these three guys. The first has served time as a juvenile for inappropriately touching his sister (and good friend to my friend) as well as other girls. He claims to be cured although because of his intense workload overseas his reformation has not been tested. He recently agreed to letting her see other people given the alternative of not dating her at all.

My friend harbors a fantasy about the second guy which involves him falling madly in love with her and she in return breaks his heart. I have had great passions in my life, and I suppose for retribution sake I’d like a few men’s hearts to ache as mine once did for them. I understand the other aspects of her desire just not the one to be without him AND to crush him. She did mention after several drinks that he does have a 13 year old child. And HIV.

I’ll admit I was once HIV savvy, I know how it is contracted and the ramifications. Since my days in Health class science has made giant leaps forward and from what little I’ve read it is not as transmittable as it once was (this I do not understand and hence hold some skepticism). Not long ago HIV was a death sentence. Perhaps I’m dating myself here but that virus scares me. And my friend’s cavalier attitude about it is equally frightening. As is her attitude about protection.

Drunk and high from work, she went home with the third guy in rotation and in the heat of the moment did not pause for protection. Said guy released inside to her frustration resulting in a trip to the pharmacy for Plan B. I politely reminded my friend that she is smart enough and old enough to know better than not to use a condom. Especially with a guy (I’m hesitant to use the word Man here) she barely knows. As if Bachelor #2 did not sport enough evidence of protection. If she is involved with all of these guys who knows how many of them are involved with other people. All of which is fine, so long as everyone is on the same page and honest and uses protection.

I crawled into bed with my husband, kissed him and was so grateful not to be in the dating world and exposed to this. As free spirited as I think I may be, the idea of sharing such intimate moments with a quasi-stranger, pedophile (reformed), lover who I hope to harm has zero appeal to me. I’ll keep my fantasies as that, figments in my head.


A Mother’s Day Jacket

May 10, 2011

I knew my husband would do something great on Mother’s Day, I wasn’t expecting him to floor me with the present.

The morning started off a little different than most, my husband slept in as I attended to the kids. My daughter reminded me that I was supposed to have breakfast in bed, but my husband remained resting. So I fed the kids breakfast, changed diapers and cleaned up after the resident mice.

When my husband awoke he handed me a bag from a store a fashionable neighborhood store Zadig & Voltaire. Inside was a red leather motorcycle jacket.

A few weeks earlier I had admired the coat in the window on the way to the gym with the family. The next day I tried it on and balked at the price tag. I even commented to my husband that the jacket was nice but not that nice. I could think of infinitely better uses for that money. Yet Sunday morning I slid that jacket on in my living room.

I felt guilty. Who spends this kind of money on one jacket? Apparently enough people because the store with three locations in a half mile radius had sold out of the size small. I started thinking what else I would prefer to own in that price range, a dress or two that I would wear sparingly, a new computer even though my five year old lap top still works, a piece of furniture or art.

The reality is I do not need anything, not even a hot red leather motorcycle jacket. I was just blown away by not only my husband’s memory but his generosity.

I remember the Seinfeld episode when Jerry debates buying a beautiful outrageously priced leather jacket. He goes back and forth, “I can’t spend that kind of money on a coat.” In the end he does buy it and subsequently ruins it in the rain, but I felt similar.

Hubby said I deserve it (I don’t) but I guess business is good enough he should be able to spoil his wife, especially on Mother’s Day. Thanks Babe!


Dr. Flirt

May 2, 2011

It’s not his thin lips or beady eyes, nor his gray hair, but there is something about my doctor I find attractive. He’s no McDreamy. It actually has nothing to do with his looks, more his personality. I spend most of my visits laying face down on a bed, my head resting in one of those massage table circles as he injects me with saline to help my back.

The first visit he mentioned snipers and tax evasion as he put a foreign substance into my body. Then we started talking about real estate and family business/nonsense/ bickering. Recently he travelled to South East Asia where I went over ten years ago after college.

I find myself looking forward to our visits, even contemplating what bra and underwear combo I will wear under that awful robe. Last week was a lace almost thong and a very sexy red Marlies Dekkers bra. He asked if I wanted to robe and, given my modesty and/or inability to suppress a smile when flirting I said, “it’s a good idea,” when I would have loved to parade in the lingerie.

I enjoy his company. He lives in my neighborhood and we have both made allusions to getting together downtown but I am just not sure what we would do – me with my husband and kids and he with his jealous girlfriend he claims he may marry. In another time or place I’d invite him to a cocktail party at my house but that is not happening any time soon and I am not motivated enough to host one under the guise of seeing my doctor with my clothes on.

Rationally, I know it is inappropriate and I clearly do not want/ expect anything to happen romantically between us. No way I would jeopardize my marriage for him, but I still like his company. Maybe because I’m a captive audience I tolerate him dragging out a simple answer into a longer unrelated story. He’s lived an interesting life and is compelling human being. I’m going back to him tomorrow because he said I needed a follow up from an appointment that could be argued was superfluous. I would like to see him outside the office, but wonder what is an acceptable context, as I cannot imagine my husband would find him half as entertaining as I do, and I don’t need for them to meet or me to encounter his girlfriend.

Now I’m at the stage of wondering if I’m compromising my health with repeated doctors visits so I can have his undivided attention for 30 minutes. At least he takes insurance.