Respect the lingerie

Have you seen Burlesque?

It is smoking hot. Christina looks great. Cher can no longer emote. The plot is lame, dialogue is weak but the dancing! the choreography! the costumes! It is the most erotic PG-13 film I’ve seen in ages. I smiled through each performance on the screen.

You don’t see any more skin than you would at the beach, but the scantly outfits are beyond smoking. And after telling my husband how turned on I was leaving the theater…mid afternoon on Thanksgiving day and driving home with his parents, he gave me permission to buy anything I wanted from the film. Only that pearl number that was removed with a simple slip of the hand on stage was not for sale on the internet.

While waiting for my pseudo stepfather at Bloomingdales the other day, I slipped down to the lingerie section to see what was erotic and justified paying retail. I beelined it to the Agent Provocateur department. While few items titillated my fancy, I was aghast at some of the prices. I did manage to find a fantastic discounted number in my size. A black lace bra with a zipper in the center and two gold buttons, and a matching thong (they were out of my size in the coordinating boy short).

Despite the chronic pain in my back, I could not resist showing my husband, then modeling it with the tags still on. Things heated up. The candle helped. And when my husband wanted to pull the bra to the side enjoy my embarrassingly shrunken breasts, I reminded him this was new lingerie and he had to be gentle. I did try to unzip the center but it was stuck on a seam.

He held the candle by my body, pouring hot wax on my body. As erotic and excited as I was, this was my first set of Agent Provocateur lingerie and I did not want to ruin it before I even had an opportunity to remove the tags. Even though I was blindfolded, every time he tipped the candle pouring the hot wax on to my body, I reminded my husband my body was his, the lingerie was not.

I had to trust him. He is my husband. And I was blindfolded. And worrying about the state of my underwear during intercourse is a real buzz kill.

An amateur porn film later, I took off the bra and thong and saw wax! Brand new wax hardened on my mesh Agent Provocateur set. I love my husband very much and as fantastic as the sex and foreplay was, I was furious. I wrote a note telling him he had to remove the wax.

Ashamed as i am to admit, I even considered returning it to Bloomies as it still had the tag on. What would I say, “I didn’t notice the wax when I bought it?” I could blame it on my husband, who upset at being accused of breaking the one forbidden act in bed, told me to buy a new set.

After seething, I opted to do nothing. The set lays in his drawer. He can try to remove the wax (I’m reluctant to ask my nanny to help) or not. He can break out the set one night when he feels horny and wants me to feel sexy. I am trying to be zen about the entire affair, take deep breaths, remember that it is just lingerie and replaceable at that. Although, i’m not inspired to replace it with an equally smoking coordinating outfit. Should my hubby try to surprise me…well I won’t argue. Although maybe I’ll pour hot wax near his crotch.

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