Jealousy Dreams

I’ve had several dreams where my husband cheats on me. Not with a lewd affair or passionate but fleeting attraction, more out of obligation.

“Drink the Kool-Aid,” as he would say referencing cult behavior. In the dreams, my husband has a new job, not completely unreasonable as his niche in the banking industry is continuing to redefine itself, and as part of his initiation in the new company he must sleep with a co-worker.

My husband explains this to me, tells me the woman he is considering and afterwards admits that it was devoid of any emotions and wants to wash the experience off in the shower. In the dream I vacillate between accepting his job responsibilities (I’ve always considered myself supportive) and shunning the idea that a situation exists where my husband can screw another woman.

I talk to my brother in law. I rationalize his obligations. I wake up wondering if it was real.

The woman is young and single and I do not view her as my competition. She too drinks the kool-aid.

A friend recently told me that a spouse cheating is not necessarily an irreconcilable difference. I know lots of marriages have arrangements I just don’t envision myself liberal enough to overlook such a transgression. I’m also fortunate enough to have a husband who would rather eye Tiger Woods’ club than his mistresses’ assets. And while I may fantasize about Matt Damon and Leo Dicaprio I doubt I’d have the indiscretion to follow through.

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