A New Paradigm

I’m evolving into one of those totally doting moms. I can’t pinpoint the exact moment. I know holding my newborn son how quickly he will grow and how much heavier he will be in the bjorn, so I am seizing the opportunity.

I imagine the Zoloft helps, but I am happiest when my kids are happy, ideally without Sesame Street. I still want to pass off a crying baby or a poopy diaper to my husband, but walking down the street with my 18 month old when she holds the dog leash and seeing people smile, (cliche alert) brings me such joy.

I still miss my mom greatly but now that the gut wrenching pain is gone, a new pain emerges, one that almost feels guilty for not hurting more. I know my mom would want me to immerse myself into life and not mourning. I’m trying, mom. And while I’m sure I’ve barely scratched the surface, I’m beginning to understand the joys of parenthood.


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