As far as pregnancies go, I do feel like a haute mom. I’m literally only carrying in my belly. From behind I don’t even look pregnant, so much so that people do not mind shoving me from behind. (Hey, I live in New York.)
I guess tragedy will curb one’s appetite. It’s also curbed my desire to dress cute, although my sister and I did buy two matching shirts from Tracey Reese the other day. I wouldn’t have bought it but it was on sale and my sister was getting the same one and it made me feel good briefly. Like other clothes we bought together, I hope this will also remind me of our shopping experience.
I know my mom would want us to go on living and enjoying life but it is just so so hard and I’m so lonely. Every time the phone rings, I expect it to be my mom searching for an update, saying hello, offering advice, or reporting even the most mundane details of her life.
I’m trying, Mom. I’m trying. It’s just painfully hard.