Still Fighting

I can sit here and rationalize my feelings, tell myself that I have more blessings than most, remind myself how fortunate I am. And I am, I know, I have my health, a great loving husband, a healthy baby, loving parents who make me crazy, blah blah blah.

It doesn’t help me rationalize these depressing emotions that surge through my body. I know when this baby arrives, my heart will open and I will embrace the little one. But at this moment, I am not excited and I am bemoaning the sacrifices I have and will have to make.

Of course, I wanted to have a second child, I just wasn’t expecting it to happen this quickly. With two months to go, the reality of this birth and the side effects of being pregnant are a reality, a reality that I am not eager to embrace.

I feel that I have to put up a happy front for so many people and the one person to whom I can confide, my husband, doesn’t get it. Okay, the second person who *could* understand, is my therapist who validates my feelings, but it doesn’t change anything.

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