I was never popular in high school, or middle school or elementary school for that matter. I would watch the popular girls with friends and boyfriends with envy.
When I went to boarding school for two years, I did not feel popular either. After some adjustment I did feel that I had friends and was friendly with a decent population of the students. (When three of my boarding schools friends walked out of my wedding two years ago, I realized that they were/are not my friends, but I digress.)
Through Facebook I have reconnected with some friends from boarding school, and some acquaintances from my hometown. I’m not sure why some people with whom I never spoke let alone was friendly with want to be my friend on the Internet when they ignored me in person. Perhaps they are amassing friends hoping to win their modernized popularity contest.
On the playground, in baby classes and through other child-centric activities, I have met new moms and have re-lived some of the exclusionary feelings of my youth. Nobody is malicious or outright mean, I think we’ve all outgrown that or are just too damn tired with our baby to care. But I do believe that cliques exist, and at times I feel excluded. I do not know how much of it is my heightened sensitivity (yes, I am bringing that up, again, but my hormones are surging.) or that they blatantly forgot about me (which, I suppose not being on someone’s radar, while perhaps accidental, still remains a slight) or what (insert plausible explanation), but I confess to being jealous of seeing other mom’s relationships amongst each other.
I have made one great friend, who makes me laugh partly because of her over-protectiveness and thoroughly researched parenting. I’ve been at the park and run into acquaintances giving the impression of knowing but not quite befriending other moms in the community. But I want more friends! However, I do pat myself on the back for pursuing activities independent of my daughter like writing this damn novel. It keeps me busier than others and fulfills me in an intellectual way.
Perhaps if/when it gets published (and succeeds) I will gain some clout and the women will want to befriend me.