Leaky Sneezes

I dragged myself to pilates session this morning to keep my obliques strong and, perhaps futilely tighten my abs. As soon as I laid down on the reformer machine I noticed my tank top with a built-in shelf bra (none of my other sports bras fit properly) was on backwards.

So post-pilates pre-shower I flip my shirt around and continue about my day. After going to the office with my cardigan, I go home and take my daughter to the park. We meet a friend joined by her husband and his friend. The husband advised me to close my cardigan as I was spilling out of my tank. He noted how my chest has grown in a few weeks.

Then I went to chase my daughter and sneezed. Here’s a little info about the changes in one’s body for those unfamiliar:

One of the joys of being pregnant is the weakened kegel muscles, those muscles in the vagina that help one stop mid-pee. So apparently pregnant women are supposed to stretch and exercise the one part of their body that they actually want to stretch and expand.

A side effects of less than perfect kegel muscles and pressure on the bladder and uterus is a little leakage. For some a simple cough will provoke a spill, this is exclusive of the daily discharge. For me, a sneeze was enough to saturate my panty liner.

Embarrassed I sat down by the sandbox and continued my conversation. When I stood up to leave, my friend said that my pants did not look wet, I had just attracted a great deal of sand in my privates. I asked if I should tie my cardigan around my waist for the walk home.

“No,” my friend impaled. She’s very proper and I thought she was worried it was too cold. “You’re spilling out of your tank,” she added.

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One Response to Leaky Sneezes

  1. nakedanarchists says:

    Breeding strips us of all dignity. A fact no one talks about until it is too late.

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