I’m Back

July 31, 2008

and bigger than ever. I was off for at least two weeks. Most of the time was spent at a writers conference in my hometown. It was great experience that still has not cured me of my cliche use. It was so liberating having an identity independent of my daughter, husband, parent or sibling. I was there as a writer and nothing else. What a level playing ground.

The major interruptions were by my immediate family who chose to descend into the area with their extended families at the least convenient time all summer.

Anyone who insists on coming during this time is, as you guessed, wrapped up in himself and therefore not entirely cooperative. I know I was depending on lots of people to help me out with the baby and what not, but it was my time and I do everything I can for their time.

I know, not very milfy.

I did manage to go into a bathing suit, reluctantly. I’m definitely starting to pop slightly. Told a few more people, bought some looser shirts, and am warming up to the idea. No other major symptoms besides clumsiness and dizziness.

I’ll think of more later. Maybe something with a porn or a vibrator or sexy shoes.


Fresh Meat

July 24, 2008

This past week I have been back on a college campus partaking in a writing workshop. It’s so refreshing to do something so independent. Nobody sees me as a mom. Perhaps they do, but not exclusively so. I am a writer first. And to some people a mother second, and to an even more select few, a pregnant mother/writer/dog owner.

The more serious and dedicated the writer, the more unkempt she appears. This applies not just to the students but to the accomplished teachers as well. It’s comforting that there is no pressure to dress up, yet when/if I do, I can stand out with little effort.

I’ve been showing off some flattering outfits for the evening performances, wearing my new wardrobe while it still fits.

The celebrities on campus, as far as I am concerned, is not that adorable college freshman who is working for the program, although he makes great eye candy, but rather the visiting writers whose works humbles me.

The Unsexy Stage

July 16, 2008

There’s a stage of pregnancy before one looks pregnant yet has still packed on the pounds. I feel like I am at that stage. I feel far from sexy.

The email updates tell me that at 13 weeks my baby is about 3 inches long. I’ve had hamburgers bigger than three inches and my waist has not ballooned to this size. I am still able to fit in my clothes and with a few loose shirts that are in style I’m able to hide the bulge. Hell, Sara Jessica Parker disguised her pregnancy for months playing the role of Carrie Bradshaw. I should be able to do half as well.

I don’t intend to come across as a complainer. I’m warming up to the idea of having another angel. I even got misty eyed at the ultrasound with the little bugger waving to me. I just know how big and uncomfortable I will get and frankly that does not turn me on.

I imagine my husband will stop being interested in sex which never feels good. I hear there is a whole subgenre of porn, movies made with pregnant chicks. Not sure who the audience is, but apparently enough people to make more than one film.

*Now he is interested and the only I can think of when we are doing it is, I hope the phone rings, I hope the baby cries. But, I still plow ahead. I may need it in the reserves.

Bad Dog

July 11, 2008

I love my dog. He’s a two year old rescue puggle with the cutest smushed in face, the softest fur and a cuddly personality. He’s gentle with my daughter, even though he sometimes knocks her down trying to get my attention.

I laugh when my daughter pulls the dog bone out of his mouth and then the dog gently takes it back. This goes on for about 15 minutes which in dog years is like 7 hours.

My daughter drops food from the high chair for him and he happily hoovers up any mess down to her regurgations. What a dog. My Pookers loves him.

But he is also highly disobedient, jumping up to eat the food off of her highchair, snatching food from her hand (even though she sometimes teases him), escaping at every opportunity, ignoring all commands, and eating anyone’s food at every opportunity.

With a new pookie on the way I do not need or want this level of aggravation.
Vainly, I am flattered when people are impressed that I can handle both a baby and an energetic pooch. The dog garners a decent amount of attention; he even stopped Hillary Swank in her tracks on a jog. She stopped so her dog could sniff some ass.

I know my husband loves the dog, and I do to, I just don’t think that I want him at this stage in my life. I feel badly, but the dog is a dog and will find a loving home. I just wish I knew someone nearby so we could visit or even share custody.

Embarrassing Vibrator Story

July 11, 2008

When I moved apartments, I packed my vibrator in a suitcase that the movers loaded into a van. On this particularly stressful moving day one of the movers tells me that my bag is buzzing.

I went to the truck and immediately identified what was causing the stir in the bag. It was too buried and I was too stressed to do anything other than let the batteries expire.

Dressing the Part

July 10, 2008

Fortunately loose baggy dresses and shirts are still in style, as they were last summer, so I can hide my slowly bulging belly from the public.

Yesterday was my 12 week check-up and I am out of the first trimester danger zone which is generally the time people start announcing their pregnancy. I think my parents and in-laws are more excited to spread the word than I am. I’m still regretting spreading my legs.

I did get emotional seeing that little blob wave to me on the ultrasound then do a backflip that would impress any Olympic gymnast.

Not much more to say. if any of my loyal readers, yes YOU, have any special requests for posts or random questions or whatever, please comment. Please. I’ll do my best.


July 8, 2008

My husband through a little surprise party for me on Saturday. I was getting a little suspicious by that morning, but some of the guests who arrived truly surprised me.

Looking at pictures of the party, I see a small pooch where my flat abs once resided. They may still be flat, but now they hide behind a small belly where my baby grows.

We are playing a little game with one of the members of the share house: trying not to tell him I’m pregnant until the end of the summer. He did notice that I was drinking Non alcoholic beer but I don’t think that gave it away. I turned around my pre-natal vitamins lest they give away the secret.

The party was fun but there was a part of me that was jealous watching everyone drink beer and later smoke I know in the scope of my life, this is a short temporary hiatus from indulgences, but I still miss them.

My husband agreed to abstain for nine days, after he told me that nine months was not that long. He has yet to start his nine days but claims he will. Whatever.

I’m kind of bummed that those cute fitted t-shirts I recently bought expose my growing stomach.

I know I’m blessed and lucky on so many fronts, but I’m not excited about being pregnant (despite the ice cream benefit). I’m starting to get excited about having another baby though. I just have to figure out how to squeeze the new one into the apartment.