Do you know that there is an entire industry of books and resources of advice for about anything. There are experts for every ailment, predicament, experience. Given my current situation I’ve considered the following self improvement books.
Motherless mothers
Losing a mother
New Mom books
Two young kids.
Toddler books
Discipline books
New Business Books
How to handle stress
and that’s what comes to mind at this instant at 10:25 on Tuesday night, although it feels like a Thursday.
Trying to cram lots of errands into my time at respective homes. Going to the city tomorrow morning early, then back east on Friday morning and only have a few pressing things to address before going to see my sister who is waiting until I arrive to schedule her induction of her third child. A two week vacation! I’ll still *work* and check in on everything here. I’m sure there are books about how to do this too.
I made the executive decision of sending our dog elsewhere. Our little Puggle was great with the kids, healthy and generally good natured. it was just an additional responsibility that I did not want to divert my energy. He was a nuisance and I have to make life easier.
This crazy single woman who runs an animal shelter in her house from whom I adopted him insisted I return him to New Jersey. She was slightly uncooperative but it happened last night.
My husband is mourning differently and more severely as me. I know Im lucky that as heartbroken as he is, he did not exactly object.
Someone once told my dad that he should not talk about his nephew and his dog in the same sentence. I used to be ridiculously concentrated on my dog; I loved him. I still love him but he moved lower on the totem pole.
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: facebook, friends, friendship probation, making up with a friend, rants
As I debated how to handle my passive aggressive friend who sent the surprisingly rude email, I heard advice from a plethora of people. I had ranted to the few ears that would listen. The best advice came from both my grandma and husband. My husband said to let it slide as she was under a lot of stress studying for her med school board and my grandma said that I should remind her of what a close friend she is.
I changed my Facebook status to “confused about a snide email” and contemplated my next move. She called me and asked if my status was referring to her. I said yes. She went on to explain that she was peeved by two remarks I made the entire reunion weekend both of which involved rushing her along, one time when I was super eager to see my kids.
I’m proud of how we “argued fairly.” I listened to everything, agreed with the facts, but told her I thought she was being hyper sensitive and taking things out of context. Eventually she agreed noting that she was under stress and doesn’t get out much.
I could go into the details of how she wanted to put me on friendship probation and a few less flattering things that she mentioned. But we have are old friends and I know no matter what, I cannot shake our friendship. I’m sure on some levels she needed to vent because the test date is getting closer and her future is depending on her passing. So it doesn’t matter. I guess a good friend (me) will take the abuse from a friend that needs an outlet and not keep a scorecard of any snide remarks.
Perhaps that’s the secret to our twisted friendship.
Regardless, thanks to all for the support. I needed the reality check.
M
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: driving with friends, friend rant, nasty emails
I just returned from my ten year college reunion where i had an absolute blast. I drove up with one friend and then drove two friends home. On the way back I was anxious to see my kids, tired from a fun weekend, and impatient in traffic. That’s how I roll.
I dropped each girl off at her apartment in the city and continued home. Yes, it was obvious that I was terribly impatient with the traffic and eager to see my family. The one doctor friend had her husband come down to greet us and help with the luggage. I let everyone say hello and then we continued to the next stop.
I wrote to my doctor friend about how much fun I had. This was her reply.
had a great time too.
I have to tell you though – I really felt like you were rushing to get home when you dropped me off and it kind of put a damper on a really awesome weekend….
Also, sometime I feel like you really focus on getting “your agenda” completed that you forget that you need to respect your friends’ feelings sometimes (otherwise you may turn people off with that kind of attitude)
Just food for thought…But please give me a call when you get this message.
I am not calling her.
Shame on her that this is what she takes from my email and from the weekend.
I did all of the driving and I am the only one with a family and I dropped her off in front of her apartment building.
What was her agenda? We all agreed to leave at the same time.
I am not interested in the drama with her, but yet this note still affects and hurts me.
Reality check??
With our new formula, I’m now beginning to walk around with less puke caked into my attire.
It feels like the first time in two years that I am not pregnant.
I want to look and feel good.
I bought new running shoes and have hit the pavement twice. I love it. I’m still banging out some situps and bicycles – which really do tone the obliques.
I would like some clothes that fit, and complement my figure. I was fine buying Old Navy for transition outfits, but when I saw my daughter’s caretaker with a similar shirt, I feel uncomfortable wearing mine when not in the line of puke.
However, recession lingers, body evolves, income dips, weather remains cold, time is limited. I have not found the opportunity or real justification to going out and spending money on a few quality pieces that will likely be covered in spit-up or dirty hand prints. But I want to!
Perhaps when my sister comes and is not pregnant will resume our shopping expeditions.
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: new york times magazine, past boyfriends, reconnecting old flame
The New York Times Magazine includes a personal essay on the last page. On a good Sunday, I’m able to read that, a few headlines and discuss the Ethicist question with my husband. This Sunday’s essay was written by a new mom who, upon giving birth, began obsessing about old boyfriends. It was so on target, I could have written it myself.
Only the author accidentally calls her ex-boyfriend and bursts into tears. I have googled my previous crush, checking registries to monitor for any change in his status. While I have not almost called him or almost emailed him, the thought has crossed my mind. Multiple times. I thought about pretending to reach out to him accidentally, letting my fingers mistype an email address and being certain to include some information about me and the family.
The author suggests keeping your contact list current. Only, I am not ready to delete this former flame’s number just yet. I’m not sure what I am waiting for or what I would want to accomplish by talking to him, but I think I like knowing there is a way for us to reconnect. He is a writer and appeals to me in a very distinct way than my husband.
The former flame, and a few guys that came before and after him, share the same name. The exact name of my husband. So, when I go through my contact list to call my husband at his new office number or look up his fax number, I see the ghosts of boyfriends past. So to solve the situation, I switched a letter in his name, reducing the likelihood of an accidental dial. Maybe after the next kid I will be able to delete the information.
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: bed bath and beyond, gutzees, purse keeper, pursekeeper, review, swag
My mom always said, careful what you wish for, it might come true. Hell, she always wanted to fly on a private plane, so we booked her an air ambulance for her last flight.
I had said that I wanted free goodies and in exchange, I’d write about them here. Someone from Gutzees took me up on my offer; I’m embarrassed to admit that this was a few months back. Since it was the only one and because I never felt the need for a purse keeper, oh and because my world has been completely rocked, I dillied and dallied before even looking at the product. My husband was complaining about the PR package that sat as a reminder in our living room.
The PurseKeeper is exactly what it sounds like, something designed to preserve your purse. There’s an adjustable cushion insert for your purse to keep it’s shape and a clear vinyl storage bag with faux leather snap closure. If you are organized or disciplined about caring for your bags, this is an ideal alternative to the cloth bags that come with purses. You can actually see your purses in the closet. However, if you are like me, tight on space and your handbags are shoved lovingly into a shoe rack, then anything that fluffs your bag up is not practical.
Because the vinyl bag has structure and is clear, it does serve a much better function of housing my lingerie, something my husband would like me to take out of the adjacent shoe rack.
The bag, which comes in three sizes, retails from around $15-$20 and can be found at Bed Bath and Beyond.
Because I am a mom, a very fortunate mom, I feel compelled to mention that company’s founders met at a benefit for people with hearing disabilities, something that affects their children. They named the company Gutzees to honor how hard their kids fight.
Filed under: Uncategorized
I’m evolving into one of those totally doting moms. I can’t pinpoint the exact moment. I know holding my newborn son how quickly he will grow and how much heavier he will be in the bjorn, so I am seizing the opportunity.
I imagine the Zoloft helps, but I am happiest when my kids are happy, ideally without Sesame Street. I still want to pass off a crying baby or a poopy diaper to my husband, but walking down the street with my 18 month old when she holds the dog leash and seeing people smile, (cliche alert) brings me such joy.
I still miss my mom greatly but now that the gut wrenching pain is gone, a new pain emerges, one that almost feels guilty for not hurting more. I know my mom would want me to immerse myself into life and not mourning. I’m trying, mom. And while I’m sure I’ve barely scratched the surface, I’m beginning to understand the joys of parenthood.
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: bridesmaids, post pregnancy, single trip, travel, wedding
I recently went to Los Angeles for a good friend’s wedding of which I was a bridesmaid. Because we could not find someone to watch both kids, my husband stayed home to gain sympathy for what i do most days. It worked out super well in that I could fully engage myself in bridesmaid responsibilities without feeling like I was abandoning my husband and get a good nights rest and he saw his folks without me and bonded with the munchkins.
Of course during the slow songs of the wedding I wanted someone to dance with and a few times I was terribly indecisive I could have used a little guidance.
For some reason I try to look good whenever I go to LA, as if I might be discovered by some hot actor who insists I must be in his next blockbuster movie. And then because I make an effort to look good, I would like someone to notice. Of course by LA standards I am not hot, ie not rail thin, blonde or have fake breasts. I also like to use the excuse when a pair of pants at a store did not fit properly, that I just had a baby. If the sales people do not ooh and aah over my physique, then I’m less inclined to buy something. But apart from the guests commenting on the bridesmaid dresses telling us we look great, no one really noticed. Which is just as well, the day was not about me.
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: cross country travel, friends wedding, future, kids, life, wedding details
I know I cannot continue to live in this daze, a human floating through the motions of life, sleeping at every opportunity and trying to make it through to the next day.
Life does not wait for anyone and I fear that I am missing out on opportunities with my children. Yesterday was good. My daughter was super affectionate and funny and barely cried for Sesame Street. The Little Man took a while to fall asleep at night – my fault for letting him (and me) and doze during the day. Nobody is perfect.
My girlfriend is getting married this weekend and I’m taking a solo trip across the country to visit her. As I listen to her stress about wedding details, I realize I really do not care. As a friend, I listen, offer advice that she’ll likely ignore and be supportive. In reality, it is all so insignificant but she does not see that now. Not that I saw it when I was getting married either. I look back at my wedding and do not have warm and fuzzy feelings about my mom, surprisingly my dad and his wife were amazing.
The kids are calling…a good excuse for not a great summary.
