Last night I dreamt I was kissing this attractive well built young guy. I’m sounding like a real MILF when I refer to someone in their mid twenties as young. He began rubbing me and eventually I succumbed to his advances. Other than him being well endowed, I do not remember too much about our physical action, but I do know I was disappointed that we did not meet up again.
My sister and I had been talking about sexual choices we made when we were younger that night and I am not proud to admit how I used my body, or rather let my body be used for ulterior reasons, mostly for attention and feeling included. Who knew not being popular in middle school could have so many ramifications later on in life?
(more…)
Filed under: Current Situation | Tags: charity backfire, food drive, volunteer
I’m trying to do well. Really. Whether it is how I conduct myself in my new/my mom’s old business, my relationships with siblings and father, and as a mother, I think I’m doing okay. Two years ago I started a food drive at my building and was so motivated as a new and practically unemployed mother I put boxes up at local stores, my lobby, my old lobby collecting who knows how much food for New York’s hungriest. Or at least those who benefit from City Harvest.
I had all of the food collected once the box in my current lobby was overflowing and once the super in my old building reported that some food was stolen from the box in that lobby. I figured if someone took food from a box for the hungry then he too must have been hungry and if not, well karma has a way of equalizing that too.
(more…)
My dad has cancer.
He is going through chemotherapy.
It’s taking a toll on his body and naturally his psyche.
His prognosis is fine.
He is a pain in the ass, please stop asking about him
(more…)
Most of the parents in the park are mothers. That’s not anti-feminist or gender biased but a fact. A dad at the playground with his children is a minority.
There is one dad who I see frequently and I find him recognizable because he is at the park frequently and he is highly unkempt. I see him with his shaggy light brown hair in his eyes, poor posture and lanky figure and wonder what woman would want to bare his children, let alone trust him with the kids. I know it’s terrible how I judge people, but I find him so slouchy and unappealing.
(more…)
Filed under: Current Situation, MiLF | Tags: flirting, guns and roses, karaoke, touching
The other night my single girlfriend invited me to Karaoke which was more fun than I could have expected, and not just because I was not the worst singer. There were drinks and a bunch of 90s songs that I knew by heart.
Considering most people were drinking and all of the songs were classics from our childhood, people from different “parties” joined the other singers on stage. We danced, we made fools of ourselves, there was physical contact.
(more…)
Filed under: Current Situation | Tags: Cognitive behavior therapy, dead head, deadhead, grateful dead
I tried being a DeadHead but I liked the tye dyes and the pot more than the music. I was too high strung to chill out and sway to the music. I’d love bumming hits of weed off others at concerts and try my hand at dancing, wondering if everyone knew that I was an impostor.
There’s a joke, what does a Deadhead say when you take away his weed?
What is this crap I’m listening to?
(more…)
My mom always said Life is not a dress rehearsal. She said it so frequently and lived by it so fully we put it on her tombstone. Life is not a dress rehearsal.
I know some people make bucket lists, and some producers make movies called Bucket List but why do you have to wait until you are old and gray with death looming in front of you to make a “bucket list”? Why not just live your life fully? That’s what my mom did, to the point of me perceiving her as selfish at times, and that is what I intend to do.
(more…)
Labor day has come and gone without much fanfare which was more than fine. Usually the holiday was just a reminder of everybody having more fun than me but this year I did not feel like I was missing out.
My husband had the week off leading up to the long weekend and he encouraged me to treat it as a true vacation. It was bliss to really just be together as a family. Naturally, I miss my mom more than anything and the awkwardness of being in her house without her and knowing she will never come home is subsiding. I am more in love with my husband than ever and not just because he helps me cope with my dad.
I constantly struggle to be with my father. He is my dad. He did change my diapers and come to my school plays (then comment how insignificant my role was and wondered what I did at all of the rehearsals). He has a tally for all of the selfless things he has done as my father and believes that I should be indebted to him because he answered the call of duty, or doodie when I was a baby (Bad pun, sorry.)
But it’s not selfless if I am forever indebted to him. While he remembers every positive thing he has done and has virtually no memory of the negatives or gets hyper defensive when I mention them, he remembers the opposite in others. He can still cite feeling slighted when my brother over a decade ago did not spend time with him because he chose to be with his girlfriend. Now my dad will have some greater explanation on why this is, our cousin was in town and blah blah. And in my dad’s memory my brother is completely in the wrong and he, my father remains infallible. It ceases to be fun.
My dad can justify insulting and demeaning his kids. “I didn’t call you an asshole. I said you are acting like an asshole.” Regardless of his word choice, I don’t want to be around that berating.
Yes, I know I’m lucky to have a father who does love me and shows me in his convoluted way and wants to be with me, hence the struggle. I just don’t like putting myself into situations which I know bring out the worst in me. I try not to let it get to me and keep everything in perspective, but I’m a fallible human being.
Tom Petty sings that even the losers get lucky sometimes. I figure if something someone some anything is going to slip through the cracks, why not roll the dice and see if it is you? Of course, you have to weigh the consequences if what you are do not slip through but in fact are obvious.
I don’t advocate stealing because the pay off is not worth the risk. However, let’s say asking for a discount or trying to get some paper approved, well there is no harm in asking. I don’t play the lottery – a tax for people who are bad at math – but people do win. That one in a million does exist.
My sister once hypothesized that a person was better off saving his or her lottery allowance for one week and buy 54 tickets at once. But I suppose people like to have a little bit excitement each week and roll the dice to see.
Just some random thoughts. My toe is throbbing because I stubbed it.
