Garden Variety Depression

I can rationalize how lucky I am. An amazing husband, two irresistible kids, and what I once thought was a tired cliche but I now realize is a true blessing, health. For the most part, my family is healthy. Sure I have a sore back, my husband has heartburn and insomnia, and a second cousin in Minnesota is in her sixth rehab stint. My dad is finishing chemo on his third cancer (one for each of his wives) and I lost my mom recently. At least it still feels recent, although it has been a year and a half already. But she did not suffer. And from what I understand, I should be grateful that I do not have the memories of her weak in a hospital bed.

And with the loss of my mom, I did find a little more career direction, as I’ve assumed her role as a real estate manager.

But there is part of me that is still a little girl with many of the same insecurities that plagued me when I was younger.

Good Kids

Like all children, my toddlers have meltdowns regularly, often around 5:30 each evening. But after having my sister and her three children, ages 6, 3, and 1 move to our beach house for five weeks, I’ve realized that my kids are relatively well behaved.

Last year I visited my sister when she was delivered her third child. This was a highly tense time as my father revealed his cancer to my sister, my nephew was born with jaundice and my sister’s post partum hormones were swimming wildly in every which direction. And so, I sat listening to my sister criticize not only my parenting skills but also my daughter’s ability to interact with other children.

Whenever my then nearly two year old would hold an item, one of my sister’s kids would snatch it out of her hand and say, mine. And when my daughter tried to protect something or cried at the experience, she was the culprit. My sister overlooked the time she played so nicely with the cousin from the husband’s side, a mild mannered 4 year old for several hours. Sisters.

So it is with delight that I can say to someone other than my sister, that I have good kids. Kids with a happy disposition that say please and thank you. Kids who clean up messes and share. While they are far from perfect, they are better behaved than my judgmental sister’s (who this year did not offer unsolicited parenting advice/critique for either lack of material or a bit of discretion).