June 30, 2008
I say with humility that I carried my daughter well. From behind you could not tell that I was pregnant. From the front, it looked like I was having twins. Strangers were convinced from an old wives tale that i was definitively having a boy. I had a girl.
I hope with this pregnancy, I carry as well, glow as much and get hit on more. I flirted with a guy at the grocery store yesterday partly because I wanted to know if I could still pull it off. Yes, although he has to work on his game a little better.
I look in the mirror now and see extra skin on my stomach and a small pooch where there was once a huge pooch and then no pooch whatsoever. It will only get bigger. I don’t like how I look in a bathing suit because I am in that middle stage where I do not look pregnant but I do not look fit.
In the end of the day I guess it does not make a difference. I’m turning 30 in four days, knocked up with my second child, desperate to get rid of my dog, married to a great guy who s desperate to keep the dog.
June 29, 2008
Whenever my husband surprise seduces me, I am a little startled, mostly because I am not expecting it. Now that I am pregnant, my sex drive has gone into low gear, aka idling. While I expect it to surge through the roof in a few months, I am struggle to believe that now.
Sometimes Hubby breaks out a new move or does an old move more fervently. There’s a tiny insecure voice that wonders if this newfound passion is coming from a guilty place.
i have the utmost confidence in my husband and his fidelity. I just do. But it wavers ever so slightly when he behaves ever so slightly out of character which is often a turn -on, if I can just silence that itty bitty doubter.
June 26, 2008
My husband caught me at a weak moment and I relieved him of our normal birth control method, coitus interuptus. At that weak moment I let him release inside because I was not terribly opposed at that instant to creating another baby as wonderful as ours.
His boys can swim.
And now, just as I am getting my stride and body back as a mom, I am knocked up.
Hubby is thrilled. I’m still warming up to the idea.
I feel so foolish and naive. Because I was *just* pregnant last summer, I am not thrilled to have my body overtaken my another life. The exhaustion and the uncomfortableness in the heat and the sobriety was not in my plans for an ideal summer. And to boot, my boobs have not even grown they way they had the last pregnancy.
There is an expression I have told other people that applies to my situation, Man plans and G-d Laughs.
I’m just struggling with the idea that i am His punchline. And yes, at this moment I am referring to G-d as a He because a woman would not find this amusing.
June 18, 2008
I asked my pilates instructor how many times her clients comment that the Cadillac machine looks like some sort of S&M contraption. I have never used an S&M machine, but I imagine that one would resemble this machine with leg straps, a bar, an elevated table and some extra leather straps.
How romantic is it to contort oneself into such a contraption before sex?
The idea of handcuffs is stimulating, or should I say titillating, but having my partner or myself cooperate kind of takes away from the whole struggle/ turn on aspect. Even if one of us puts up a little fight for *show* makes a difference.
One of the toys my friend who sold sex toys gave me was a whip with a feather on one end.
I guess it’s all about the tease and a little spanking. The mind can be very creative in anticipating what lays ahead sexually.
June 17, 2008
I thoroughly enjoyed my first father’s day with my husband as a dad. On Saturday, I bought my daughter a turquoise polo dress (among other things…Ralph Lauren was having a sale) and on Sunday I gave my husband a shirt in the same color. It was so cute and they both seemed thrilled.
At the end of the night, my husband says he wants to start a father’s day tradition of wearing matching shirts.
I also gave him a mousepad from Ofoto with a picture of him and my daughter. When we went home on Monday, he had an ofoto album waiting for him. I made the picture album with photos of him and our girl and funny captions. He was crying because he was so touched and loves our angel so much.
And a dad that loves his little girl so much, well that is the ultimate Dilf.
June 16, 2008
Home from college one summer, i was not about to abandon a rather satisfying habit. I was also reluctant to adopt a new habit of keeping clean and organized. So put the two together, and you can imagine my vibrator lying plugged in on the floor next to my bed.
My mother’s friend comes over and she asks me to give him a tour of the house, which I do. It’s not until he walks into my room and comments about the appliance do I remember that maybe I should be just a little tidier at home.
To this day, he still teases me about that.
June 15, 2008
I put on a my itty bitty string bikini today, not as itty bitty as the ones my sister buys in south america, but teensy weensy enough that i have to shave not just the sides my privates, but the top of the triangle as well.
Because I did not have time to get waxed before the weekend, or really the desire (does anybody like getting waxed down there?) I tried Sally Hansen’s in shower depilatory spray. The next day my husband almost mistook the aerosol can for sunscreen. It worked well and did not smell terribly fowl. Only now, a mere ten hours later, it feels like the hairs are returning already. Although the waxing never lasts that long.
When I was younger I used to experiment with all kinds of at home hair removals. One thing I used on one patch of my leg seemed to have worked as I have not grown hair there in the last 18 years. I wish I could remember what it was so I could subject the rest of my legs to the same treatment.
June 10, 2008
I remember some of my first porn experiences. There were a few girls in my dorm who would get together and watch porn on a small postage stamp sized television in college. I don’t think they so much wanted the other girls for the arousal purposes, but rather to mask any shame they may have had. And I imagine to have someone to share an uncomfortable laugh.
In college, I was home one Saturday night when Cinemax turned to Skinimax and there was a low budget soft core porn on that literally glossed over intercourse while maintaining a semblance of a plot. Something about a guy who ran a strip club pretending to be abducted by aliens so his wife would not suspect he had an affair, and she thinks he really was abducted, and then he is abducted. Very memorable.
I remember my old roommate showing me something that was literally a bunch of people messing around on a mattress on the floor without any sheets. Lovely.
Sometimes when I am home alone I will search for something on one of the free on-demand channels. There are certain things that should not be shown in HD, and porn is one of them. There was one show with a rather old woman who had blue veins running through her hands. the camera kept panning to show her playing with herself and I could not think of anything more unattractive. But perhaps because it is free, they have to save expenses and I am sure hiring a grandma helps.