Filed under: Current Situation | Tags: adding facebook friends, facebook, past life
I’ve gotten all sorts of requests for friends on Facebook that would flatter the insecure teenager I once was. Now, I wonder why people who have never spoken to me in 3-D suddenly want to befriend me in 2-D.
I’m sure some people want to befriend me because they are accumulating friends. Somehow having 100 Facebook friends is empowering for some, which may explain why I have received requests from people who I don’t know or from say my former neighbor who once complained about my barking dog. I would not know him if I passed him on the street yet he wants to know of my latest happenings. There were a few friends from high school I was touched sought me out on Facebook, or perhaps the side bar just suggested me as a friend, but nonetheless they chose to add me as a friend. Excited to hear from a blast from the past I sent a note to my newly accepted friends only to have it ignored which makes me wonder why did you add me in the first place? I wanted to de-friend her but since we had several mutual friends I didn’t.
Then there are my friends I was genuinely excited to reconnect with such as someone I had known my first year of boarding school and held a special place in my heart. She waited over a week before accepting my invitation even though I later learned she had logged on during that time and she never responded to my heartfelt letters and notes on her wall. Perhaps she was not that interested in being friends but did not oppose having another friend in her list.
My sister and I go back and forth about whether to accept certain people from our past, a friend’s mother, certain cousins, husband’s business associates, her moyel, my tenants, and so on. I guess it depends on how one wants to use the site to determine if we want to be friends. Just because one person is trying to accumulate names doesn’t mean I have to partake.
Filed under: Body, Current Situation, Other Moms | Tags: new baby, sister criticize, toddler discipline
My sister uses a girdle to shrink her uterus after delivering, per her ob’s advice. Within a week her stomach flattened to look a mere three three to four months pregnant. She doles this information out sparingly so that acquaintances think she is super mom with the super body. We went shopping a week after her son was born and the oohs and ahhs she received from the sales clerk about her body led me to chime in that I have a five month old, and my body is lean.
I was looking for some sort of validation. Staying at my sister’s house for two weeks with my two kids and her three children including the newborn was a lot, even though we are best friends and her house is significantly larger than any New York City apartment I’ve visited. I’ll give her the benefit of the doubt of her post partum mood swings, but she made comments about my kids. Comments that one such as myself might take offense to. Comments about my daughter and how she adjusted to being in a foreign place with constant stimulation. Every time she picked up a toy, one of the other kids would snatch it out of her hand and say Mine. She was not on her turf or even in her own country. My sister discounted this when she complained that my daughter whined too much.
I kept my mouth shut about her children and their misbehavior because I did not want to get into a tit for tat situation. There was nothing to gain. Kids are kids. They have good moments and bad ones.
She did share some helpful advice that perhaps I would have come to on my own. Given her kids are older she was more familiar with how best to handle a toddler. I do remember taking a trip when her eldest was a little over two years and my mom and I advised her how to discipline her toddler. I shared my thoughts in a constructive and sensitive way as opposed to attacking and criticizing.
I took full advantage of my sister’s help and changed an average of one diaper a day which was awesome. My sister felt the need to comment on that as well. She must forget that when I am in New York I can change multiple diapers in an hour and I have to run around looking for the proper size for each kid. That was my vacation, some R & R that I desperately needed and earned. She must have forgotten or never realized how hard I have been working and the amount of stress I am under.
So don’t judge me! Don’t judge my parenting! Since she is my sister and best friend and had just delivered a baby…I won’t digress and mention how she treated me in the delivery room, I’ll give her a grace period.
Do you know that there is an entire industry of books and resources of advice for about anything. There are experts for every ailment, predicament, experience. Given my current situation I’ve considered the following self improvement books.
Motherless mothers
Losing a mother
New Mom books
Two young kids.
Toddler books
Discipline books
New Business Books
How to handle stress
and that’s what comes to mind at this instant at 10:25 on Tuesday night, although it feels like a Thursday.
Trying to cram lots of errands into my time at respective homes. Going to the city tomorrow morning early, then back east on Friday morning and only have a few pressing things to address before going to see my sister who is waiting until I arrive to schedule her induction of her third child. A two week vacation! I’ll still *work* and check in on everything here. I’m sure there are books about how to do this too.
I made the executive decision of sending our dog elsewhere. Our little Puggle was great with the kids, healthy and generally good natured. it was just an additional responsibility that I did not want to divert my energy. He was a nuisance and I have to make life easier.
This crazy single woman who runs an animal shelter in her house from whom I adopted him insisted I return him to New Jersey. She was slightly uncooperative but it happened last night.
My husband is mourning differently and more severely as me. I know Im lucky that as heartbroken as he is, he did not exactly object.
Someone once told my dad that he should not talk about his nephew and his dog in the same sentence. I used to be ridiculously concentrated on my dog; I loved him. I still love him but he moved lower on the totem pole.
Even though I’ve renewed my gym, I’ve hardly gone. But I did invest in a pair of the flip flops that exercise your legs in a way that regular flip flops don’t. This is how I have to get my exercise. My routines have consisted of the occasional crunch while holding a child and short wind sprints in the yard. Kegel muscles get their workout at night or when I’m holding it in because the kids are all loaded up in the car and I just don’t have time.
The flip flops really seem to work. At night, little balancing muscles that are often neglected were twitching away, making other muscles twitch, a gentle reminder that I should do some real exercising.
So, I’m out at the beach at my mom’s house which is 1/3 mine now, so I guess my house. So going to my local gym is out of the question. I did discover a semi private pilates class which was great. I only went once yesterday but I’m hooked, at least when I have a sitter and remember to reserve ahead of time.
I did meet another mom at the gym who told me of a nearby extremely child friendly restaurant which is great!
Get my body in fighting shape, and back strong. The kids are sleeping in pack and plays which entails more bending down than I’d like. One is screaming for me to pick her up now.
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: facebook, friends, friendship probation, making up with a friend, rants
As I debated how to handle my passive aggressive friend who sent the surprisingly rude email, I heard advice from a plethora of people. I had ranted to the few ears that would listen. The best advice came from both my grandma and husband. My husband said to let it slide as she was under a lot of stress studying for her med school board and my grandma said that I should remind her of what a close friend she is.
I changed my Facebook status to “confused about a snide email” and contemplated my next move. She called me and asked if my status was referring to her. I said yes. She went on to explain that she was peeved by two remarks I made the entire reunion weekend both of which involved rushing her along, one time when I was super eager to see my kids.
I’m proud of how we “argued fairly.” I listened to everything, agreed with the facts, but told her I thought she was being hyper sensitive and taking things out of context. Eventually she agreed noting that she was under stress and doesn’t get out much.
I could go into the details of how she wanted to put me on friendship probation and a few less flattering things that she mentioned. But we have are old friends and I know no matter what, I cannot shake our friendship. I’m sure on some levels she needed to vent because the test date is getting closer and her future is depending on her passing. So it doesn’t matter. I guess a good friend (me) will take the abuse from a friend that needs an outlet and not keep a scorecard of any snide remarks.
Perhaps that’s the secret to our twisted friendship.
Regardless, thanks to all for the support. I needed the reality check.
M
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: driving with friends, friend rant, nasty emails
I just returned from my ten year college reunion where i had an absolute blast. I drove up with one friend and then drove two friends home. On the way back I was anxious to see my kids, tired from a fun weekend, and impatient in traffic. That’s how I roll.
I dropped each girl off at her apartment in the city and continued home. Yes, it was obvious that I was terribly impatient with the traffic and eager to see my family. The one doctor friend had her husband come down to greet us and help with the luggage. I let everyone say hello and then we continued to the next stop.
I wrote to my doctor friend about how much fun I had. This was her reply.
had a great time too.
I have to tell you though – I really felt like you were rushing to get home when you dropped me off and it kind of put a damper on a really awesome weekend….
Also, sometime I feel like you really focus on getting “your agenda” completed that you forget that you need to respect your friends’ feelings sometimes (otherwise you may turn people off with that kind of attitude)
Just food for thought…But please give me a call when you get this message.
I am not calling her.
Shame on her that this is what she takes from my email and from the weekend.
I did all of the driving and I am the only one with a family and I dropped her off in front of her apartment building.
What was her agenda? We all agreed to leave at the same time.
I am not interested in the drama with her, but yet this note still affects and hurts me.
Reality check??
With my newfound responsibilities I am finding it harder to relate to other moms with whom I once bonded over spilled milk. Complaining about nannies and sharing sharing stories of how stressed our husbands over the uncertainty of their jobs is not as fulfilling as it once was.
My father taught me to humble among m anomoly y peers, and not let them know of my (or my parents) investments. When I lived in California I invested in a duplex while I lived in a dumpy one bedroom. As a struggling artist with a property I was an anomaly among my friends. Since I shared the information on a need to know basis, most did not know. Now that I am married with two kids living in Manhattan my contemporaries are more successful so I am less shy about revealing my situation, but I’m still not eager to advertise the assets.
Since I’m reluctant to talk to friends about the new responsibilities that I inherited and did not exactly create for myself and since my daily life has expanded beyond diapers and playgroups that leaves less to talk about. And because I don’t watch reality shows, well I guess that means I should stick to blogging.
With our new formula, I’m now beginning to walk around with less puke caked into my attire.
It feels like the first time in two years that I am not pregnant.
I want to look and feel good.
I bought new running shoes and have hit the pavement twice. I love it. I’m still banging out some situps and bicycles – which really do tone the obliques.
I would like some clothes that fit, and complement my figure. I was fine buying Old Navy for transition outfits, but when I saw my daughter’s caretaker with a similar shirt, I feel uncomfortable wearing mine when not in the line of puke.
However, recession lingers, body evolves, income dips, weather remains cold, time is limited. I have not found the opportunity or real justification to going out and spending money on a few quality pieces that will likely be covered in spit-up or dirty hand prints. But I want to!
Perhaps when my sister comes and is not pregnant will resume our shopping expeditions.
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: new york times magazine, past boyfriends, reconnecting old flame
The New York Times Magazine includes a personal essay on the last page. On a good Sunday, I’m able to read that, a few headlines and discuss the Ethicist question with my husband. This Sunday’s essay was written by a new mom who, upon giving birth, began obsessing about old boyfriends. It was so on target, I could have written it myself.
Only the author accidentally calls her ex-boyfriend and bursts into tears. I have googled my previous crush, checking registries to monitor for any change in his status. While I have not almost called him or almost emailed him, the thought has crossed my mind. Multiple times. I thought about pretending to reach out to him accidentally, letting my fingers mistype an email address and being certain to include some information about me and the family.
The author suggests keeping your contact list current. Only, I am not ready to delete this former flame’s number just yet. I’m not sure what I am waiting for or what I would want to accomplish by talking to him, but I think I like knowing there is a way for us to reconnect. He is a writer and appeals to me in a very distinct way than my husband.
The former flame, and a few guys that came before and after him, share the same name. The exact name of my husband. So, when I go through my contact list to call my husband at his new office number or look up his fax number, I see the ghosts of boyfriends past. So to solve the situation, I switched a letter in his name, reducing the likelihood of an accidental dial. Maybe after the next kid I will be able to delete the information.
